A Picture Says...

Few words today.  Enjoy the pics and tell me what you think.

Step 1.  Boil wet sheep.  Stink up house.

Step 2.  Cut up carrots.

Step 3a.  Boil carrots then add yarn.

Step 3b.  Do the same with beets.

Presto!  What do you think?

Hand-dyed crocheted flowers with vintage button centers to boot!  Will be posted to on my Etsy site next week.  Hope you like them.

All right already!

Oh man, I am so freakin' tired. It's 9:30pm and the last thing I want to do right now is plan a lesson.  I know I'm not getting much sympathy from all my teacher-readers out there, but puhleez!  This is ridiculous!  I gave my notice last week and I can't tell you how not thrilled I am about teaching.  This is horrible.  What to teach?  How to teach it?  I'm just done with it all.  I may just come down with more pyschosomatic diarrhea and just crochet flowers all day long.   I love the organization and the students, but man, this is brutal.  I feel like I'm living a lie and have I told you how not into this I am?

Beet Red

Hubby got back from his week-long trip to Mexico late last night.  So nice to have him back.  As he bathes and tucks in our little ones I am once again boiling wet lamb and simmering a veggie dye.  I'm pretty excited about this one... BEETS!  As many of you may already know, I love a deep red and can't wait to see how this supposed deep red comes out!  Oh yes, and to update you on the "Yellow Experiment", well, let me just say that Carrots along with the help of their friend Tumeric really do make a vibrant yellow.  Tomorrow in full sunlight I plan on taking a photo of the gorgeous yellow flower I made from "Tumeric Gold".  Any thoughts on names for the red I'm working on tonight?  Suggestions are welcome!

As for my day job...I'm still there.  Had an OK day teaching, but my heart is no longer there.  It just plain sucks.  I plan on talking to my boss tomorrow and giving him a deadline.  As far as I know they have no one in line after me. I don't want to leave the students high and dry, but dang, I can't stay there forever.  I've never quit a job before, but this whole two weeks notice thing seems like an awful long time to stay at a job you'd rather be leaving.  I am still totally dreading the day I have to tell my students, but hopefully by then (the end of this week), I'll have many of my products made and my website up.  That way I can tell them that I am leaving because "I want to start my own business".  Otherwise, I'd have to tell them another version of the truth "this job and all its planning is just exhausting and I'm choosing my family over you!" 

As for the new business, all is going well.  Along with lesson planning at night, I've become quite energized by completing my "to do for the business" list. I'm still staying up much later than I should, but it's so worth it.   I am crocheting up a storm, I just got my own PO box, set up my own business-related email account, and I will be ordering my own business cards in the next few days.  Photos coming soon.

Boiling wet sheep

Friday night is here and I've been cookin' up a storm.  It's as if quitting my job freed up some pent up creativity and now I am experiencing a creative tsunami.  Bring it on.   Last night I made two loaves of challah (Shabbat Shalom to those observing) and two batches of cookies for my students today (heavy on the sugar and guilt because I haven't told them I'm leaving yet).  Tonight the calorie load is much lighter. Even though I am in the kitchen and cutting up carrots I'm not really cooking anything.  I feel kind of like a Shakespearean witch hovering between two bubbling cauldrons. Very pagan. Very cool.  Tonight, in fact, I am attempting to dye my eco-friendly untreated wool yarn a bright orange (yes, Unhei your recent request for an orange flower inspired me).  I've taken pictures and hope to add them to the site tomorrow (after the usual Saturday birthday party and swim lesson craziness).  I am simultaneously prepping the yarn by boiling it in vinegar and making the dye by boiling carrots.  Boiling carrots smell OK, but I don't recommend ever boiling untreated wool in a vinegar solution EVER.  Imagine boiling a wet sheep.  This is making me rethink the whole DIY aspect of my home business.  Maybe it would be worth it buy pre-dyed eco-friendly yarns instead of being a hippy and dying them myself.  Although I must admit that I just can't let go of the  picture of myself in the springtime,  wicker basket in hand, elegantly gathering wild flowers for my next batch of home-dyed yarn/crocheted flowers.   Lavender, dandelion, lilies...  Did I mention that I would be singing and wearing flowers in my hair? Birds would be fluttering all around me. I would be some altered Hapa version of Snow White.  I can't let go of the this dream and so I must carry on with this stinky science experiment in my kitchen.  In the Spring I'm sure my kitchen will smell like lavender instead of bovine. Well, until then, may you never have to smell the scent of boiling wet sheep (redundant, I know).

The Talk

Today we a had a great student-centered lesson where we asked each other if we had various ailments ("Do you have the flu?") and answered with the proper responses ("Yes, I do" of "No, I don't") (it was essentially an ESL medical version of Go Fish.)  This lesson was followed by the much dreaded "talk" with my boss.  Thankfully, it went very well, although I must give him credit for his persistence.  "No, really, I know this is the second time you've said you are quitting, but you aren't feeling well today.  How about you think about this some more and quit on a day you are feeling great, a day when the sun is shining and the birds are singing."  He is too much.  I looked at him through my blood-shot elephant eyes and said, "Jeez, you're like the boyfriend who just won't let me break up with him (although in all honesty, I never had one of those)."  I went through the extended list of reasons why I can't stay while repeating my "This is the right decision" mantra in my head.  In the end, he agreed that I had my priorities straight (family first) although he's sad to see me go.  I said that I would help with the transition and that was that.  I guess they'll be looking for a new teacher which shouldn't be too hard and once they find one, I'll tell my students. That my friends, will be a very tough day for me.  I will have to treat myself and others to drinks and sushi after work on that day.


Other than that, all is good.  I ordered more white yarn for future crocheted-naturally-dyed flowers and am working on a new hat design tonight.  It feels so good to be creative again. Aaaaaaah.

Dread

It's 11pm and I am totally sick to my stomach (again) about telling my wonderful (and I mean that) students that I am quitting.   I hope they understand, but I doubt they will.  Over the last seven weeks we have really gotten to know each other (Adult Education 101: Build Rapport) and I will really miss them.  I feel guilty about leaving them, but I know that they have people knockin' down walls to take my position.  This job was not easy to get.  They had ten candidates, then four, and then....there was one.  My lesson plan is still ready to go, but I just want tomorrow to be over with (and the next day, too). 

I can't help,but think about the office gossip about me, too.  I should really stop it.  I know why I can't stay and that's all that should matter.  My mantra for tomorrow:  "This is the right decision. This is the right decision."  Say it with me. 

A new day called Tuesday

Today I woke up with psychosomatic diarrhea. Gross. I had a great lesson plan ready to go (ironically diarrhea was one of the vocabulary words), but this pit in my stomach was really bothering me. At 8:30am after feeding the kiddos their proper vitamins and medications and brushing their tiny, little teeth, I made the call. It started off as a "sick" phone call, but of course, me being me, the phone call turned into a a "sorry I'm giving my notice because 'I'm giving her all she's got'" conversation. I have from 9 to 12; that's all I've got. I hate conflict and I hate disappointing him and letting down my students, but I really have to do what is right for me. I told him that of course, I would stay and help with "the transition", but I really need to give him a deadline or else I know they will try to squeeze what they can out of me.

Tomorrow I will go to work and put in my all, knowing that my decision to take a new path has been made. For now I will enjoy this new day of this new path. I shall call it Tuesday.

The Leap? More like the shuffle.

The day is over and I still haven't quit my job. What the heck? All I know is that the lesson went pretty well, but I'm still not looking forward to going back. I'm not looking forward to lesson planning tonight, but I am looking forward to job searching after the lesson plan. What could I do? Become a yoga instructor? A spin instructor? I need to get paid for something I love to do. AND I don't want to take any work home. How about getting on etsy? I've been thinking of crocheting and knitting for etsy for a year now. Is now the time? It must be.

The Leap

Tomorrow I’m quitting my job. Today I’m starting a blog. And that’s my life right now. I have lived many lives before this one (not even touching upon reincarnation). You’ll get to know more about those lives later. What you need to know right now is that after devoting many years to being a kick-ass teacher, I realized that I’m getting out and taking a leap into the unknown. Unfortunately, the only way to “get out” is by quitting my job tomorrow. Ugh. I feel sick to my stomach right now, but the thought of not having to go back there elates me.

I’ve been working there for seven weeks now and every week I’ve wanted to quit at least two times. I’ve never had a job like this. The strange thing is, is that five years ago this would have been my dream job. Teaching ESL to immigrants at a non-profit! Dream job! Even now, when I tell people what I do, everyone says, “how wonderful!” and “that must be great.” I smile, but in my head I’m thinking, “yuck." It was Friday night that I had the revelation, “It’s not the job. It’s me.” Jeez, do I sound like an old high school boyfriend or what? It’s true though. I’m not the same person I was five years ago. I have kids now, a house, a wonderful hubby (although he was there five years ago, too) and a puppy. I took the job because the hours were great (9-12 every morning). “Perfect,” I thought. But this is no regular job, it’s teaching, after all. After dropping the kiddos off at school, I start the day off by making copies, then I teach from 9:30 to 12:00. After class I stay and clean up the class, talk with students, do new student intakes, and try, try, try to plan for the next day. I leave, pick up the kids....blah, blah, blah. My day is “over” by 9pm and it is then that I begin my lesson planning for the next day. I am no skimper. When I do things, I put in my all. So lesson planning and “remanaging” this class has been (is) taking a long time. During these past seven weeks I have gone to bed before 11pm a total of two times. Otherwise, I’m in bed by 12:30am every night. I did not sign up for this. I feel too old (I’m not old by any means) for this.

And that is why I’m quitting tomorrow. I just want tomorrow to be over so I can begin my renewal.